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  2. One of the funniest eBay listings ever! This is a genuine listing, although not sure if it ever sold...enjoy 🙂 "This Car Got Me Sectioned" Writing from my bed at the Psychiatric Unit, St Mary's Hospital, Southampton, on the advice of my medical consultant I am putting my despised Porsche 944 up for sale. Why? Well, for starters it's been spreading lies about me on Facebook, saying that since my wife left me my love-life has been reduced to a bottle of 75w-90 semi-synthetic and a gerbil named Keith, which is ridiculous ... I hate semi-synths. And then there's the disobedience ... I'll explain: I bought this car last year knowing it needed brakes, clutch adjustment and some general fettling and tidying. But it had good history, including recent belts and tensioners, good miles (137k) and was a reasonable price. I had it trailered back and started work, getting my garage to sort the clutch and fit new discs and pads all round. My wife was still sore at me for spending the IVF money on the car and garage bills but I was sure a morning spent in the back whilst I threw it through some bends would put her right. Alas, we never got that far. I'm not sure if the car refusing to start from cold was a display of jealousy, but it certainly drove a wedge between me and Debbie from that day on. So much so she was completely unsupportive of my subsequent campaign to remedy this cold start issue, flatly refusing to take on any extra cleaning shifts or even to apply for the part-time jobs at McDonalds and Burger King that I circled for her in the back of the newspaper. Fast forward two months and Debbie comes home crying. I imagine it's because her arms are hurting from the three mile walk with the groceries (she has a low pain threshold) but I ask her what's up anyway. She tells me. I do the good husband thing, pause the rugby and put the kettle on for her to make herself a cup of tea while I open one of the four-packs she's brought home. I then calmly explain why all the jewellery she inherited from her mother is in Cash Converters window: "Compression Test, Leak Down Test" I start ticking them off on my fingers, "Fuel Pressure Test; Injector Clean and Spray Pattern Test; New Fuel Pump, Fuel Regulator, Fuel Lines and Fuel Filter; Supply Damper; Timing Check and Adjust; DME and Relay Check; New Temp Sensor; Starter Motor Refurb; New Timing Belt and Tensioner, New Thermostat, Electric Fan and Air Auxiliary Valve ... These all cost money, Debbie." But it must have been her time of the month because she became very unreasonable, calling me derogatory names and throwing things at me. Then she left. She came back the next day, but only to pack a suitcase. I haven't seen her since. I won't bore you with many more details, suffice to say Debbie filed for divorce, clearing the house one Saturday afternoon whilst I was tinkering in the garage, leaving me just a chair and my laptop. And so my research began: cold start issues on a Porsche 944 2.5 8v. I cross-referenced the work I'd already had done against endless forum postings, occasionally finding a snippet of something sensible, only for the post to deteriorate into irrelevant oily posturing and arguments about the pronunciation of Porsche ... Two weeks in and I was none the wiser; in fact I was utterly confused and very nearly broke. It was a day or two later that I first heard the voices. They were quiet at first, mere whisperings, but they told me things ... They told me that Porsche were run by a secret organisation of hybrid reptilian aliens who wanted to take over the world, and that Leonardo Da Vinci (who was one of them) had designed the first 911 back in 1518 (the year before he died) as a Popemobile. Of course I didn't believe them; I knew Leonardo had died in 1912 when the Titanic sank. The voices told me to look at the numbers: 356 + 911 + 914 x 928 + 924 - 944 x 968 + 964 - 993 + 996 - 986 - 987 x 997 x 991 = -1.038049 .... I was astonished, there it was, plain as day, it explained everything: Porsche were Illuminati ... confirmed. I published my findings immediately on Facebook and Pistonheads and was sectioned by my doctor the next day. And so I find myself here, on a narrow bed, with a drug-induced grin in the psychiatric unit of St Mary's Hospital. And some friend the car has turned out to be, git hasn't visited me once. I bet it's found the my savings, though, and is blowing them at the Bodyshop as I write, trying to make itself pretty for the next poor fool. Slut! There it is, my sad and cautionary tale of an attempt at Porsche 944 ownership. It's cost me £3,000 in parts and labour, plus what I spent on the car originally. It starts and runs fine from warm but is a bugger from cold, and trying to work out what's wrong has driven me mad. It has to be something simple but I've run out of money and sanity to chase after it. There are some small electrical niggles that I haven't attempted yet - indicators, horn, etc - as they weren't a priority, and the windscreen is milky towards the edges. Paint is dull and has rubbed through in a few places. Small area of corrosion around aerial base. Small dent to rear o/s quarter behind arch. Cracked dash. Tyres aren't the best. This is still very much a non MOT'd restoration project. To summarise, this is what I've had done: Adjust Clutch New Discs & Pads New Fuel Pump New Fuel Relay New Fuel Regulator New Fuel Lines and Fuel Filter New Supply Damper New Temp Sensor Starter Motor Refurb New Thermostat New Electric Fan New Air Auxiliary Valve Compression & Leak Down Test Fuel Pressure Test Injector Clean and Spray Pattern Test Timing Check and Adjust DME and Relay Check New Timing Belt and Tensioners To be honest I don't want to sell this car at all. I want to push it into a lake, or over a cliff, or open a fuel line and flick a match. Alas, it's one of the conditions I have to meet before they'll discharge me from hospital. They say my selling it will be evidence that I can 'let go responsibly.' You've been warned. Oh, forgot to mention that Test-Pilots, Tyre-Kickers and Time-Wasters are most welcome. Call me to discuss the car, or anything else you may be unsure about, ie: Gender, Favourite Colour, whether or not Darth Vader is your Father ... Deposit of £100 required within 24hrs of Auction End or I'll offer this heap of junk to someone else and report you to the Pope. On 24-Jul-16 at 22:57:22 BST, seller added the following information: Update: my consultant allowed me to use his computer today to read some of the emails I've been getting about the car. I wasn't too happy with his conditions (it's very sore to sit for long periods now) but he assured me it would be worth it. I've had a few suggestions about how to remedy the cold start that I though I'd share: 1: Cold Start Injector ... I didn't know there was one! 2: Remap ECU if it's been changed. 3: Read the car a story. 4: Replace distributor cap. Is this a bit like putting the cap back on the toothpaste? 5: Put the car to bed with a blanket. To be honest, I'm not interested in starting the malicious git ever again as it'll only get me going again. Oh, I forgot to say, Debbie came to visit me today. She'd changed her make-up; her mascara was really neat around her eyes rather than running down her cheeks like she used to wear it. She looked quite decorative, too, almost pretty, though it might have been the drugs. Anyway, she'd come to show me something, she said. "What," I asked? For some reason she pulled up her jumper to show me her stomach. "Jesus, Debbie, you want to slow down on the Doritos," I told her. She narrowed her eyes and wiggled a finger at me. It sparkled. "Oh, Brilliant," I enthused, "you bought back one of the rings." She shook her head, which annoyed me as I really hate guessing games. She then went to the door and let in a man. He glowered at me as he entered. "This is Dean," she said. "We're engaged." Dean affirmed this with a manly nod. Debbie patted her pudding stomach. "And I'm pregnant." I got quite angry at that. Actually I got really angry at that. The doctor came in. Then two orderlies. They restrained me. They gave me an injection. I started to calm down but it still bugged me to realise that all this time she'd been deceiving me ... someone I'd trusted had been holding out on me. Standing there shameless, with a baby in her belly, it was obvious she'd had enough money for the IVF all along. Selfish bitch. It just goes to show that you never really know people at all.
  3. The best thing is really not to take it off the road. Tyres don't like standing in the same spot for a long time, batteries like to stay charged, a regular trickle is always good. Handbrakes can seize in the on position or even the off position. You can look at you upholstery one day and it's a fine couple of weeks later it's mouldy. Brake fluid I would flush and refill before storage so I know its moisture free. Friction material can absorb moisture that's why shoes can stick to drums and pad can leave a rust print on discs that can cause a judder which may not scrub off Coolant, if you know it's a good 50/50 mix with a quality product leave it in. Draining is ok but most cars you can't get it all out so you are left with air on both sides of the water pump gland/ seal which could dry it out. Just a thought. Belt pulleys that have exposed shiny mental surfaces can corrode but will polish up when run but are abrasive to the belt. If you run an engine during V O R winter remember it needs to reach temperature, that means oil as well as coolant. Just revving it for a few mins will not do the job, it will create an environment for more condensation in the block and head, condensation is moisture and moisture creates acidic conditions for corrosion. So the cost of putting to bed for the winter or keeping it going is a tricky one. Do you have a nice garage or is it kept under cover, is it an old A 35 or a 50s Alfa. Not to mention a 70s Lancia Beta. I said not to mention the 70s Lancia Beta. It's always difficult to say what is best for each car but the one thing that is common to all cars is preventative maintenance. It is better to ensure a joint is lubricated and rust proofed than to have to free off a seized joint in the Spring. Good luck to all.
  4. Now is the time of year to consider rolling back the covers on your classic car and preparing it to go back on the road in the Spring. Do you know what to check for after your car has been in storage for the Winter ? Here are some hints and tips to check everything on the car is safe and ready to drive: Tyres - correct pressures & no cracking on the tread or sidewalls. Fluids - all fluids are within tolerance for content (antifreeze, moisture in brake fluid, etc) Belts - drivebelts have not perished and have correct tension. Wiper Blades - have not perished, split or hardened over time. Brakes - not binding and any surface corrosion is cleaned off components. Battery - ensuring it has enough energy and has not sulphated over the Winter. If in doubt, it may be worth getting the car checked over by a professional mechanic to make sure everything is fine after its long rest.
  5. Very reluctant sale of my BMW Z3 Wide body sports car. Selling due to relocation This is my second Z3 and 5th BMW, they are very well made cars. This is a 2000 facelift model, so wider and with an upgraded dash, chrome etc etc. The paint is BMW JET BLACK and is in very good condition. The body work is exceptionally straight with some marks from wear and tear over its 18 year life. There is a small dent near the drivers door/wing, but very small. The tyres have loads of tread and the alloys are in very good original condition. The hood is solid and tight with one very small rip that has been sealed, the rear plastic window is new, so neither cracked, fogged or creased. The electric hood works too (remember. windows down, engine on and car in neutral with foot on the brake, safety features etc etc) Wing mirrors are electric Interior is finished in red leather, and is none ripped, with no pulled seams, the seats are electric, up down forwards back. Tho the passenger seat has an issue with going forwards at times (switch needs cleaning? It does matter to me as the seat is set for either long or short legs) . The interior is very clean with BMW fitted overmats and a gel steering wheel covers (the leather on the wheel is fine tho has smoothed over time, with the gel cover grip is fantastic) The car will come with the rare fitted roof cover (for when the roof is down, it covers up all the mechanism) Plus there is a chrome carrier on the boot lid. The car drives very well, going through the gears and stopping as expected. Any issues? The wishbones will need replacing as the rubber mounts have worn, and the threads are rusted, affecting alignment adjustment (these parts are just £25 each..if I had time I would get done and ask £200 plus for the car..I understand it can be fitted by the home mechanic, but thats not me unfortunately...but price readily reflects this) . She also likes to mark her spot with a drip of oil, but again doesnt affect anything. The previous owner was a Toyota Car mechanic and during his ownership he replaced the head gasket, and serviced the car. I have the owners wallet and manuals plus one key. Im am using her every day so the mileage will go up. I paid £130 fully comp (Im 56) and it was actually £106 when I received my cash back from Topcashback. Its cheap to insure as its considered a classic. The price is way lower than any other comparable Z3 widebody with this mileage. Any inspection is welcome, to drive the full amount in cash (its your responsibility to have insurance etc etc) PLEASE ASK ALL YOUR QUESTIONS AND PLEASE TRY TO INSPECT BEFORE BIDDING OR OFFERING. The car is in Bristol and is for sale outside of Ebay. BUY HERE - eBay Link
  6. Thanks Trevor I do find abandoned cars interesting as you've finely put it cars are loved and then suddenly discarded. For me seeing this Volvo was like a flash back as my last memories of my granddads Volvo 760 was it languishing in a field on the family farm. A sad end to an awesome car.
  7. Great write-up Steve! Wow! so it's not just me who feels an empathy for an old car, regardless of what make it is, when you consider that it was someone's pride and joy when they collected it from the showroom when new and polished it and cherished for years and then....something changes and it becomes a lump of metal and discarded to rot away in a field. Very sad 😞
  8. Steve reviews another high mileage car which has now been left out to pasture. Volvo is a brand where high mileage cars are renowned and a trend that was started by the 700 series. The 700 series was created by Volvo’s chief designer Jan Wilsgaard over a 10 year period, and was designed to replace the 200 series. The 700 was released in 1982 and the first model available was the 760GLE saloon which immediately became Volvo’s flagship. Being the flagship model the 760 came with luxuries such as heated leather seats, air conditioning, alloy wheels, front foglights, electric windows, electric mirrors and electric sunroof all as standard. Three engines were available for the 760 which included the 2.8 V6 petrol which, ironically is the same engine as found in the Delorean DMC-12 as well as a 2.3 turbo charged petrol and a 2.4 turbo diesel. The engines were mated to either a 4 speed manual gearbox with overdrive or a 4 speed automatic. In 1985 the 740 was released and slotted between the luxurious 760 and the 200 series as a mid-size family car and as such there was slightly more choice for buyers compared to the one spec for the 760. The 740 was available in either GL or GLE or SE (1988 onwards) versions, the GL was the entry level spec and did away with luxuries such as leather interior, front foglights and alloy wheels. Whereas the GLE model was almost identical to the 760 GLE spec and was of the more popular 700 models. The 740 was available with a 2.3 naturally aspirated petrol engine as well as the infamous 2.3 turbo petrol and the same 2.4 turbo diesel as found in the 760. Another key development in 1985 was the introduction of the estate version which was available in both 760 and 740 guises. The specs remained unchanged to that of the saloons but offered far more luggage space, as well as the option of a rear facing bench seat which could fold neatly into the boot floor and self-levelling suspension. This allowed the 700 series estate to become a fantastic workhorse and family car, which could double up as a lovely executive car. This brings me on nicely to our high miler feature which is a 1987 Volvo 740 GLE estate fitted with the 2.3 naturally aspirated engine and 4 speed manual gearbox with overdrive. This is a one owner car from new and was registered in the April of 1987 and was specd with the rare options of a telephone and graphic equaliser. The car spent its life as the owner’s company car for his own business before being retired in 2005 after covering 149,928 miles. Since being retired the Volvo has sat in a field, where rust is starting to take hold. This is no small feat as the 700 series was well rust proofed when new. This car also suffers from the very common sagging headlining issue which can be expected in light of the age and condition. The Motorists Guide View: Sitting in this Volvo brings a wave of sadness over me as it allowed me to reminisce about my late Grandfathers 1984 Volvo 760GLE diesel saloon, and it brought back a lot of memories bearing in mind I hadn’t sat in one in approximately 20 years. What did amaze me was that despite the Volvo’s condition, the switchgear and interior felt well put together and was comfortable place to sit. I would love to see this Volvo to hit the road again but somehow I find it unlikely to do so and I would love to have taken it home with me. Rest in peace faithful servant. Have you got a high mileage car? If so, we’d love to hear from you and share your high miler car story. Regards Steve
  9. It is unbelievable mileage and I agree u think this a6 would be around for many years to come. However I feel this is just the tip of the iceberg and I bet there are quite a few high mile cars out there and we'd love to here their story.
  10. WOW!!! that's phenomenal mileage Steve, but my feeling is that if it has managed those miles then essentially it should and could go on for many more with very little trouble....regular routine maintenance goes without saying
  11. Steve reviews an Audi A6 which has covered over 329,000 miles and asks the question, should we really be afraid of high mileage cars? This Audi A6 was ordered as a new vehicle in 2002, in SE trim by the owner’s father who specified it with the 2.5TDI engine and 6 speed manual gearbox. In addition the A6 was fitted with the optional sport seats, sports suspension and rare 7 seat boot conversion. The latter being required for a growing family and owner’s father not wanting to drive a people carrier! The Audi was registered on Wednesday 13th March 2002 at the Reg Vardy Audi Dealership in Leicester, significant as it was the same day as the owner’s grandmother’s birthday. His Father has driven the Audi consistently up to 2013 and it has been maintained regardless of cost with a full service history. The A6 was put into semi-retirement when the owner’s father acquired a company car and at which point his son took over, using the car as my daily driver. Mechanically the A6 has been generally reliable only requiring serviceable items, including new suspension, engine mounts and an alternator throughout the last 14 years. The one key exception was a turbo which was replaced at 3 and half years old and its replacement has been fitted since 2005 and has covered approximately 230,000 out of the 329,000 miles! Furthermore, and without tempting fate neither the engine nor gearbox have ever been rebuilt. The A6 was serviced by Audi for the first 4 years and then at a local garage AC Motors ever since. The local garage has been brilliant and has carried out any work required to the highest standard. I prefer to use Bridgestone tyres on the A6 as I feel it improves the handling characteristics. Cosmetically the A6 has aged well and has only required two new front wings due to the originals rusting at the top of the arches. This appears to be a common fault with VAG cars from the late 90s to early the noughties and affects the Audi A6 C5, Audi A4, Volkswagen Golf mk4 and Volkswagen Passat to name but a few. On the other hand the interior is now showing its age and has a worn driver’s seat bolster, wear on the 3 spoke sport steering wheel, as well as having the soft paint peeling off the air conditioning control unit. These issues have been well documented on various cars and I have chosen not to repair them as they add character and patina to the vehicle. The only exception was the Audi symphony radio which has been replaced under warranty. The Audi A6 has been on various family adventures including trips to France, Belgium, Norfolk, Essex, Royal Ascot in 2002 as well as the annual trip to Northern Ireland which it has done since it was new. Furthermore it has been used to tow race trailers as the owner’s brother has done both Kart racing and Saloon Car racing all across the country. Finally, the A6 has been a fantastic family car and has provided valiant service throughout the last 14 years. I work within the motor trade and find that despite its age and mileage the A6 drives better than some of the newer cars and cars with far less mileage currently on the market. It is a pleasure to drive and has the added benefit of being both comfortable and practical. In the near future he would like to take the A6 back to its birthplace Neckarsulm-Stuttgart, Germany and around the Nurburgring for the ultimate road trip. There is no chance of him getting rid of this great car any time soon. It has become a treasured family possession, and one which he has grown up with and ultimately have come to own. The A6 has now achieved in excess of 300,000 miles and he is looking forward to the next 300,000 miles! The Motorists Guide view: For me this Audi A6 is testament to the owner and shows the true potential of a well maintained car, bearing in mind the mileage covered by the A6 is further than going to the moon and theoretically this A6 is on its way back! What I have learnt from driving this Audi A6 and hearing its story, I feel the key to buying a high mileage car is down to how well it has been maintained and cared for. After driving this A6 I would happily own a high mileage Audi A6 C5 which will eventually become a classic. Have you got a high mileage car? If so, we’d love to hear from you and share your high miler car story. Regards Steve
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